I've always believed you control your own destiny by the choices you make every day though at times it seems as if the universe is not paying attention. Apparently the universe has decided my life needs to closely resemble an amusement park ride. Each day brings a new twist, crazy turn, and heart-stopping drops. Kind of an ironic twist for a girl that had pretty much planned her whole life. Staying present, living in the moment is something that I work on daily and it is not easy.
The most recent twist happened a couple of weeks ago when the company I've worked at for the past 10 years has announced it is closing in July. It's a sad situation and though I won't go into the details of why this is happening, I will say that I am deeply saddened by the shocking lack of personal responsibility that is rampant in this country. Many people seem to want to take the easy route and place the blame for their own actions on someone else rather than on themselves where it belongs.
Anyway, that has led to the simple fact that I will be out of a job in just over a month. I haven't been unemployed since I started my first job at 16. I spent the first 24 hours about like everyone else I imagine, just trying to absorb the news. Now, it seems that most everyone I work with seems to have fallen into a state of depression or shock and so the office is a bit somber these days.
On the other hand, after that first day, I found I had a sudden burst of energy and excitement. I wasn't depressed at all. I realized that maybe this was the door I had been waiting to open. A chance to reinvent myself, chart a new destiny. Oh, the possibilities! Now, I can discover a new future! Be who I want to be after years of doing what was expected! I do have many moments of anxiety though. I am, after all, a single parent to two teenagers that have made it pretty clear they want things to remain the same (school, home, friends, etc.) for them. I want that for them too but the chance to change who I am, change my destiny is pulling at me pretty hard and I find that I don't really want to.
But...will I be brave enough? Do I have the courage to follow my heart and be open to all the possibilities? I think I do.
