Where'd I put that Happy Place????

Okay, so it's been a while since I felt like exploring to find the ever elusive "happy place" (visual example: me sitting cross-legged on the floor, head in hands pleading to be taken to my "happy place"). I won't go into the long explanation of why I haven't much felt like searching but let's chalk it up to a major life changing event.

You know, the hardest thing about moving on from said "major life changing event" is realizing that everyone else still has their normal life, their happy place is right where they left it. Well, at least that's the way it seems. Logically I know that probably isn't quite the truth but emotionally I am a bit angry that things can't be the way they used to be. Yep, I know how selfish that sounds but that's just the way the old cookie crumbles...cookie? Where? I could really use a snack right now! Did I mention a side effect of total emotional upheaval seems to be something akin to ADHD? Or maybe I've had that all along...

So, under the circumstances how does one stay sane while finding a new normal? Yes, I know about therapy, meditation, exercise, alcohol (try to keep that one in check!), indulging in all the chocolate the body can handle in one sitting (see previous mention of snack to see where I stand on this) , Facebook addiction (Farmville anyone?), yadda, yadda, yadda! I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that really the only thing that helps is time. Crap. Guess that old saying is probably pretty accurate. May not "heal" all wounds but it certainly helps them scab over.I wonder if the size of the scar depends on how many times you pull the scab off? Hmmmm....

So, the first step for me in this new journey for my happy place is to put one foot in front of the other and take back some of the things that brought joy previously, like this blog! And so the journey begins (again). Looking forward to the adventure, well I'm trying to look forward to it. That counts right?

Be Healthy

So my first personal commandment in my Happiness Project is Be Healthy. I spent a lot of time over the past few weeks thinking about what that means to me. There are a lot of pretty strong opinions around "healthy". There's the whole BMI thinking and trust me when I say that is not my idea of "healthy". I mean really. That whole system was invented between 1830 and 1850. Really! That was almost 200 years ago and I am betting a few things have changed since then that might influence that system. Okay, so I know a few people that probably have the "correct" BMI. Well, 1 and she's just a freak of nature. (Love ya Rach!) Geez, I'd have to give up food and since I have a deep and almost passionate connection to Mexican food in general, I don't see that happening any time soon. According to the BMI experts I should weigh about 129. Really? 129? I haven't seen that since high school and I think I am in pretty good shape (let's just say with age also comes failing eyesight and memory...now where was I?). I guess I could stand to lose a few pounds, in fact I am actively trying to do just that but 129? Ain't gonna happen sister.

I am thinking that "healthy" is more than just weight...

Have you ever tried yoga? I love yoga. I don't do it as often as I'd like but man I am pretty darn good at that downward dog! (at least that is what my wii fit tells me, I am a total yoga master!) Of course, child's pose is my favorite but you kinda have to earn that one with a good practice (that's like a workout for those of you non-practitioners). Yoga is pretty zen and you really have to connect to your body to get the benefits. There are poses for improving just about everything that ails ya...headaches, backaches, tension, you name it and there's probably a pose you can do that will make it better. I love yoga because it symbolizes slowing down and being present in the moment, being at one with yourself. I think that is essential to your overall health. Plus I just love the whole bohemian feel of being a yogi (ummm, not to be confused with sports great Berra, for anyone who knows me...). 

I think commitment plays a big part in health too. I mean I set a goal this year to run 500 miles. 500 miles in a year? What? I average about 5 a week right now...on a good week. I'd have to run 10 to get that goal. That's twice as much as I currently do (yep, the math skills are still pretty solid!)... What the heck was I thinking? I guess I got caught up in how cool my new ipod ap was and how it would track that goal for me and all. Plus another blog I follow was saying how important it was to set stretch goals for yourself. Well, 10 miles a week is probably more than a stretch for me. Now, don't get me wrong, I am committed to this goal. I just think stretching might be more around 6 or 7 miles a week...not 10. So with that in mind I am officially changing that goal to 300 miles. I think that is something I will have to work for but could still achieve. Plus I have to have time to do zumaba! I love zumba! It is an awesome workout and a lot of fun. I have 2 great instructors that offer a great mix in styles and music choices so I get a really great sweat-filled hour. And it just makes me happy. Isn't that the most important thing?

So, healthy...what does it mean to you? For me, it is the whole package. Mind, body, spirit. A balance of those things is what I am looking for. Don't get me wrong, I know that everything may not be equal at all times but trying to keep the pieces in perspective and balanced with each other is what I am shooting for.

What about you?

Stuff Happens

So sometimes things don't go as planned. Take this year for example. I was planning to refocus my priorities, rediscover my values, rededicate my commitment to my family, but then... I guess you could say life happened. My husband became seriously ill with a liver disorder (still waiting on an "official" diagnosis from a specialist) and life as we knew it abruptly changed. Don't get me wrong, all those things are still important to me. It's just that for the past month, just getting through the day became all I could manage. My commitment to my family though is stronger than ever. Guess it just takes a major life changing event to bring that commitment into focus.

I started this blog to chronicle my Happiness Project. Ironically my first happiness project mission was to discover my values and I was pretty focused on my first resolution of "Be Present". Seriously. How can I be anything but present right now? The first couple of weeks after hearing the news I was both numb and emotional. It was hard to get through the day without some sort of meltdown...tears, anger, frustration, depression...you name it and I probably felt it. My emotions were all over the place. Now, a few weeks later I have adjusted a bit to my new "normal" and spend more time reflecting on what it means to live in the moment. Just appreciate life as it comes. It's an interesting concept for me. You see, I am a planner. I love to plan. I plan to plan. Living in the moment, being "present", can be a bit of a challenge for a planner. I am confident I can be a planner and be present in the moment. Anything is possible right?

When I reflect on my original intent for this happiness project, back when the year was still fresh and new, barely existing, it was to find a way to slow the pace of my life down. To find the balance between work, home, commitments. If I could find a way to slow down and enjoy the moments I was living in maybe I would have more appreciation for the life I was given. Not that I don't appreciate everything I have been given because I do, I really do. I just think I had started to take it for granted. My kids are growing up, becoming less dependent on me in some ways and more dependent in others. I want them  to know they can count on me to always be there for them but to know that they can depend on themselves too. I want to be there, walking beside them, as they learn the self confidence that they will need to carry them forward in there lives. To do these things I know I must be present in the small, everyday moments not just the "big" ones. I think if I can really master this resolution my life will have more meaning both in the present, and in the future. (still a planner!)

I am going to go with that theory and spend some time reflecting on the possibilities. In a hot bath...yes, I think I am on the trail of my happy place. Peace out, as my lovely daughter says!

New Beginnings

Well, it's a new year. I am beginning my Happiness Project. What is a Happiness Project you ask? Several months ago I stumbled across the Facebook page of Gretchin Rubin where she outlined a yearlong project to find out how to be happier. She's also written a book about it (same name) that I am looking forward to reading. It's been a challenging year (okay, 3) so I thought, "why not?" So now I need to get started.

First on the project list is to discover what brings me joy, satisfaction and engagement along with what causes me anger, remorse and boredom.

So...what brings me joy? Snowy days in front of the fire place with a good book, listening to my kids play a game or have a conversation without arguing (really, what mom doesn't find joy in that one?), an OU bowl victory (cut me some slack people it's been 5 years!), an underdog victory in just about anything (did you see Russell win SYTYCD??? Come on that was fabulous considering Jakob was the overwhelming favorite!). I am sure there are other things but let's move on to what brings me satisfaction...right now that would be having the house "un"decorated and put back in order...especially since I have been procrastinating on that one. Feeling good about a job I have finished at work or a project at home that I'd been putting off (believe me there are lots of those!).

Engagement is a little harder. At work I feel "engaged" when I feel like I am part of something. I think you can usually make a choice to be part of the team so maybe this one isn't so hard after all. I think it's harder to engage others in something you are passionate about than it is to engage yourself in something you choose to be a part of. What do you think?

So now it's on to the things that cause me anger, remorse or boredom. Anger is probably easy. I sometimes experience a mild case of "road rage" when driving. My husband would probably disagree...it might be "often" instead of "sometimes" and "serious" instead of "mild". But then what does he know? He drives like a little old lady most days anyway! Other than that I don't think I get angry very easy unless you are messing with my kids. Just ask the father of the kid who punched mine in the eye at football practice this year because his idiot father told him too... I won't go there but trust me when I say, it wasn't pretty.

Remorse is like regrets and I don't like to experience either so those moments are rare. I regret assumptions when I don't seek the facts. I regret not taking a time out instead of hollering at my kids or husband after a trying day. I regret that world peace probably isn't possible in my lifetime. Most everything else I don't regret because it has made me into the person I am today so that's okay. Maybe you have to experience the remorse so you can appreciate the happy moments when they present themselves to you. 

As for boredom...I am pretty sure I have ADD so I don't get bored, I just start a new project!!

Next post...making resolutions that can lead me to my happy place :)