Stuff Happens

So sometimes things don't go as planned. Take this year for example. I was planning to refocus my priorities, rediscover my values, rededicate my commitment to my family, but then... I guess you could say life happened. My husband became seriously ill with a liver disorder (still waiting on an "official" diagnosis from a specialist) and life as we knew it abruptly changed. Don't get me wrong, all those things are still important to me. It's just that for the past month, just getting through the day became all I could manage. My commitment to my family though is stronger than ever. Guess it just takes a major life changing event to bring that commitment into focus.

I started this blog to chronicle my Happiness Project. Ironically my first happiness project mission was to discover my values and I was pretty focused on my first resolution of "Be Present". Seriously. How can I be anything but present right now? The first couple of weeks after hearing the news I was both numb and emotional. It was hard to get through the day without some sort of meltdown...tears, anger, frustration, depression...you name it and I probably felt it. My emotions were all over the place. Now, a few weeks later I have adjusted a bit to my new "normal" and spend more time reflecting on what it means to live in the moment. Just appreciate life as it comes. It's an interesting concept for me. You see, I am a planner. I love to plan. I plan to plan. Living in the moment, being "present", can be a bit of a challenge for a planner. I am confident I can be a planner and be present in the moment. Anything is possible right?

When I reflect on my original intent for this happiness project, back when the year was still fresh and new, barely existing, it was to find a way to slow the pace of my life down. To find the balance between work, home, commitments. If I could find a way to slow down and enjoy the moments I was living in maybe I would have more appreciation for the life I was given. Not that I don't appreciate everything I have been given because I do, I really do. I just think I had started to take it for granted. My kids are growing up, becoming less dependent on me in some ways and more dependent in others. I want them  to know they can count on me to always be there for them but to know that they can depend on themselves too. I want to be there, walking beside them, as they learn the self confidence that they will need to carry them forward in there lives. To do these things I know I must be present in the small, everyday moments not just the "big" ones. I think if I can really master this resolution my life will have more meaning both in the present, and in the future. (still a planner!)

I am going to go with that theory and spend some time reflecting on the possibilities. In a hot bath...yes, I think I am on the trail of my happy place. Peace out, as my lovely daughter says!