Connection

I’m currently reading “The Gifts of Imperfection” by Brene Brown for the second time. This definition of connection really struck me: the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.

I have spent the majority of my life searching for that kind of connection, where I felt seen, heard and valued for who I really was…not for who I had adapted to so that I could fit in and “belong”. What I am learning now is that changing yourself to fit in is detrimental to true connection, to truly belonging.

Sometimes people come into your life and create the illusion of a connection. Maybe through shared interests or just common friends, either way the feelings of belonging and connection are built. Everything goes along just fine until one day something challenges the relationship…expectations aren’t met…judgments occur. I believe this happens because the foundation of the connection was built on illusion. I believe that people truly feel seen, heard and valued when these things are exchanged with open hearts.

Illusion is created when we see others not as they really are but through our own filters created over time. Perhaps it is true that “we don’t see the world as it is, we see the world as we are.” What we see in others isn’t necessarily what is true and real but what we expect to see. At the same time, when we don’t live up to expectations we shake that illusion and cause a rift in the relationship. When a relationship (of any kind) isn’t built on true connection (the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.) it is probably doomed to failure. 

What do your relationships look like? Are they built on illusion or true connection?